Am I scared? Right now I am not scared. Are you scared? Well, if you are, let me just tell you that you are for the same reasons that I am. I am scared that future weekends won’t be even a shadow of this last one, that they will limit the option of being as free as you/I want. From now on everything is losing. Everything is less. Who said the world is just made for the brave ones? Yes, indeed, I don’t forget it –I don’t forget you-: the world if full of self-satisfied, …., courageous people, whose hearts are fullfilled (don’t you worry about sex, I have already been served). I’ve no idea whether I’ll prefer missing you again or having you again. I don’t know whether I’ll like looking for you again, or having you for the first time.
My hands have never been on your hands, my voice has never been silent, and my lack of conformism will make you go away; I am a coward and I am scared… I haven’t even told you yet, but my wise grandma used to say to me that I am a bird of the forest, not a bird in a cage, because I am scared of commitment – I’m letting you know right now-. Just like Buenafuente said: I want you to love me and to be in love with me, but in some hidden way I can’t perceive. You know what I mean?
This last weekend I have flown like I haven’t flown in ages (yet I’ve spent my life on planes): Barcelona – Madrid - Damascus – Madrid – Rome – Barceloneta – Madrid – Barcelona… And I wasn’t scared. But living without fear scares the shit out of me. We get used to live in fear, and when it is not there anymore then it is as if it couldn’t be right. Where are you, my enemy? It is as if the past had not been hurtful enough to get to you and have an impulse. Today I feel no rage, as if my vains were bloodless. But I am just nobody without blood, that is not me. I lose direction and I smile because I just can’t believe it
As healthy as that, and as corrupted as the most perverse mind could imagine, I wanna thank you.
What a fucking awesome weekend have you offered me!
Thank you.
